New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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