I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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