just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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