Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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