I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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