He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize