Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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