Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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