She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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