All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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