I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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