i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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