CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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