I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize