is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize