Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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