I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize