Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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