well you can't waste a boner
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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