I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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