life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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