I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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