i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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