he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize