How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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