I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you had me at cake vodka
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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