george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize