haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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