I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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