She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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