MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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