You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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