She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize