btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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