I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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