There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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