I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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