I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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