we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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