3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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