I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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