No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize