Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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