so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize