Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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