Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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