i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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