My liver just broke up with me...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize