Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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