Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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